Sunday, August 20, 2006

Why Did The Chicken Cross the Road?

I know I know! I'm supposed to be on vacation. I leave tomorrow. But I just had to post this. I've read the comments from various blogs about this and added more Canadian replies (and credited) them. Soooo funny!! :-)

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the road before it goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road.What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his "CURRENT" problems before adding "NEW" problems.

OPRAH: Well I understand that the chicken is having problems,which is why he wants to cross this road so bad.So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road.We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not.The chicken is either against us, or for us.There is no middle ground here.

ANDERSON COOPER/CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to haveaccess to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions.I am for it now, and will remain against it.

JUDGE JUDY: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY!You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going.I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level.No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay!Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face?The chicken was going to the "other side."That's why they call it the "other side".Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay.And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too.I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."That chicken should not be free to cross the road.It's as plain and simple as that!

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2005, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken.The Platform is much more stable and will never cra.....@&&^( C.......reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken.What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?


********************

JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"

JOE VOLPE: "I most gratefully accept a $5400 cheque from this chicken. It is abundantly clear this chicken typifies the feelings of the majority of Canadian chickens; it is patently obvious that this chicken is Liberal! It will courageously resist change, for change, as everyone knows, will result in Canadian chickens turning into American eagles; that could not be a good thing, as pride doth come before a fall. This chicken can strut proudly back to the side of the road from whence it came, secure in the knowledge that its financial support will be put to good use fighting the New Democrat buzzards, which could NEVER feed themselves but for our Liberal benevolence. We will also defend this chicken against the terrible excesses of the vicious Conservative lions, who do not wish to share their kill with other animals, even though 'the kill' obviously belongs to all ALL the animals."

PAUL MARTIN: "Fundamentally, the chi-chi-chicken crossed the road, because fundamentally, the pppp-polls told him he should cross the road, not because it was fundamentally necessary to cross the road, but because public opinion told him he should. And I will give him a big fat government grant if he will also vote for me."

HOMER SIMPSON: MMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Chicken.

My addition:

Mom: It doesn't matter why the chicken crossed the road. You'll understand when you're older. Now finish your peas.

7 Comments:

Blogger No said...

"To get to the other side?"

The freak's view.


I was going to side with Jerry Seinfeld..whom I have had several erotic dreams...but thankfully, he has declined my offer.

Sun Aug 20, 07:04:00 AM EDT  
Anonymous Beth said...

I'm thinking of starting a new blog, and I would like this to be my first entry...but I won't post it without your permission first...please?

Sat Aug 26, 08:56:00 AM EDT  
Anonymous Beth said...

Oh, dear, I'm not going to get a response, am I?

Sat Sep 02, 06:52:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Spitfire said...

sorry Beth. I've being on vacation and right now I'm in the middle of unpacking my life in one small room. Haven't been able to tie up all the loose ends. Of course you can use this. I certainly didn't write it. I noticed I didn't put a "source", and now I can't remember where I got it from. I will correct that. Thanks!

Sat Sep 02, 02:25:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Beth said...

so...what is your view?

Sun Sep 03, 03:42:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Beth said...

You're not going to tell me, are you?

Wed Sep 06, 07:29:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Spitfire said...

View on what? Tell you what Beth?

I have said I am very busy, please stop coming on my blog every other day and leaving these types of comments.

I would have replied but you will not provide an email address, and my blog comments will not be used for question and answer conversation. If you have something to ask, please email me.

Wed Sep 06, 02:41:00 PM EDT  

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