Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Teen Angst Poety

I was reading a post over at Diogenes Borealis and Eric was talking about teen angst poetry.

I am not much of a poet, but I've written a few in my day. It's funny when you look back on it years later and see how much you've change, how naive you were, and how life is so much better now. I remember my cousin, Steph, once told me that the teenage years are the best years of your life, but I am much happier where I am right now in my 20s. Although there's still a lot I don't know, I feel a lot less confused and have a lot more freedom and independence.

I found two of my old poems and thought I would share.T he first one is light, but the second one is pretty dark.

Still I Am

Wondering why I’m here,
Searching for a meaning deep.
Answers I do not have;
So quietly I sit and weep.

Could you ever understand
Why I hold this so dear?
Pupose in life is what I want;
Yet it’s exactly what I fear.

Where will my life lead,
On this dimly lit path,
For I smile through the shadows
With a half-hearted laugh.

Still I am the fearful child.
Still I am the quiet one,
Despite what you see from the mask,
I’m actually scared of the sun.

I wrote this next one at 16 after being dumped. I read over it now and think how silly I was. But you live and learn.


My heart is now black.
No more will it be,
Tender and affectionate,
Like it once was.
Since the day you said,
You wanted no more of me,
Gut wrenching sobs
Seep and escape
Through my body.

No more will I feel
The profound feeling of love
That has now left my soul
And left mud prints.
“I will love you forever”
That’s what you said.
“I will love you to the very end”
All were lies
A joke,
A sick, disturbing joke.
That I can’t comprehend.
What is my purpose in life now?
Since you are not in it
God, can you answer that?
My melancholy and gloomy days
Get longer now,
Without you.
Will you come back
And free my soul
From this downward spiral?
I’m trying to grasp on to something
To prevent me from falling
But they snap like twigs

No more will my heart leap
When I think if you.
My mind and soul
Are now drenched
With feelings of anguish
Pouring out endlessly
Will it ever stop?

All I seek for is a lid
To stop all of this from
Coming out.
Gotta keep my feelings hidden
So I can hold my head up high
Down these crowded halls

I smile as though all is okay
When inside I’m falling apart.
The tears still fall
The pain is still there and
At this point
I’m not sure if
The pain will ever stop
My heart hurts right now
But there will still be
A place for you there if you want

I miss you.
I miss having your
Strong arms around me
Making me feel safe.
Every time I turn on the radio
All the songs remind me of you
I still weep at night
Clutching my teddy bear
And your shirt

I can’t handle it
Don’t make me throw myself
Into that dark tunnel again please.
I didn’t like that tunnel
Alcohol and drugs
To ease through the pain of hurt
From family, friends and loves.

Saw the light
At the end of the tunnel
But it’s getting dark again
Someone pass me a flashlight
Before it’s too late!

I didn’t know ‘eternally’
Was only two months.

I submitted both of these poems to the annual poet lauriet contest in my high school and never won anything, but I still like them.

Hat Tip: Diogenes Borealis


Blogger Humble Beginnings said...

WOOT for teen angst.

Now.. where's my teen angst dirty scrabble?

Thu Aug 03, 09:03:00 AM EDT  

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