Tuesday, August 08, 2006

BIZARRE HUMAN CUSTOM: Cheerleaders

Ship Log Entry # 92364 Observation of Culture.
Subsection: Custom Questions--Cheerleading

As aliens visiting the planet P3X 638, also known as Earth, we are learning much about the human species. Some customs at this time puzzle us. We do not understand a custom that we have come to learn as “cheerleading”. We have observed the female species taking part in the male sporting spectacles, but do not have a direct involvement in the sport itself. The women dress in a uniform costume and they use their vocal cords and bodies to demonstrate their involvement. Sometimes these cheerleaders involve the spectators and use their voices to demand the spectators to repeat words, or parts of ‘cheers’ back to them.

The costumes are always matching and often in bright colours. However, it would seem that these cheerleaders are volunteers or are not given enough monetary awards for their display of talents as they often lack enough clothing to cover their bodies. In addition, Commander Thor, head of our research team has hypothesized, that a certain physique is desired to be a part of the cheerleading group, or what the humans call, “squad”. Commander Thor believes this to be true because all of the cheerleaders have tiny bodies and they desire to show them to the spectators and players them by prominently displaying parts of their bodies. Bodies parts favoured are the belly button, legs and chest area.

Women who have excessive growth in their chest areas are also deemed to be the most favoured among the men. Our other scientists believe this to be true for the following reason. The human species is made up of two sexes, male and female. The female species grow two bumps of skin and tissue out of their chest area (also known as “breasts” and “boobies”). The males rarely grow breasts (only when their bodies have grown in excess overweight). It appears that the male species are quite envious of the female sex who possess these “breasts”. The larger the chest on the woman, the more a man finds her to be desirable. We have observed and believe this to be because the male species is unable to produce such body parts and thus seek this out in a mate.

We have observed that the majority of cheerleaders possess large chests. The male species of the human race is very attracted to these ‘cheerleaders’. We probed one of the minds of the male species and learned that they also fantasize about these women. These fantasy thoughts can occur at the spectacle game, but also can occur when they are alone in their bedroom doing their private inventory of their body parts.

What puzzles our scientists is why women of such attractiveness and beauty would be used as entertainment as we have determined them to be most distracting. The human culture takes sporting spectacles very seriously, and thus, we cannot understand how these females are not distracting to the players or the spectacles.

We have theorized the purpose of the existence of these cheerleaders. They are worshiping through intimidating previous goddesses of their culture. The spirits of the sporting spectacle work through these cheerleaders providing them with the words, luck and spiritual guidance for the sporting team they represent, to win. We also believe this theory is true because of how the cheerleaders all seem to be possessed as they repeat and move in the same way when they enact their “routine” and “cheers”.

We have concluded and may never fully understand the human custom of “cheerleaders”. We will file this entry under : Bizarre Human Custom.

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