Tuesday, June 20, 2006

BIZARRE HUMAN CUSTOM: The Playoff Beard

Author’s Note: This will begin a weekly analysis of a “Bizarre Human Custom” in which I will examine human or North American customs and rituals from a different point of view. When I think about one of our cultural or societal customs I will consider it either from the perspective of an anthropologist examining our culture 1000 years from now, or from the perspective of an alien who is new to the planet Earth. This Tuesday I examine the custom of “The Playoff Beard”.



Humans of the male persuasion from around North America spent much of the day, on this day of 20 June in the 2006th year, with hair removal of “The Playoff Beard”. Today marks the end of the season of the athletic competition of what the North Americans refer to as “Hockey”. There is a common practice in which the male competitors of this athletic competition do not remove their facial hair when their contingent enters what is known as “The Playoffs”.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting“The Playoffs” refers to the athletic contest that occurs after the exercises are finished. If one is successful during the exercises they will go to “The Playoffs”. The warriors and their master trainer—sometimes referred to as “coach”—use “The Playoffs” to measure how prosperous they are in their athletic aptitude. The goal of the battles is for a large mug once belonging to Lord Stanley.

If a contingent reaches “The Playoffs” there is an unfounded fear that the warriors as well as the male congregation of devotees—sometimes referred to as “spectators”—must not remove their facial hair, as it would result in tragedy and a loss of the battle. There has been no evidence to indicate the customs in which the women engage during this period of time since they are excluded from this ritual. A theory has been proposed that women did engage in this ritual but used artificial hair or cosmetics to join the custom.

One is permitted to maintain the cultivation ensuring trim and proper edging. If one is to remove all of their facial hair during “The Playoffs” prior to the elimination from the battle, one may be ostracized or denounced for being the explanation of losing the battles. Along with the battle for Lord Stanley's Mug, there is an unspoken competition amongsts the warriors to whom can develop the longest, thickest and messiest facial and head hair combination. Men who grow long and thick beards are seen to be more masculine and distinguished.

If a sequence of battles is lost this team must retire, in which they will be permitted to remove “The Playoff Beard.” The most unexplainable attribution to this ritual is a series of proclamations by a set of mythical beavers known by the names of Frank and Gordon of Bell (a land which we have yet to discover).

3 Comments:

Blogger BBS said...

Good choice for the pic! I think the last time he was in the Stanley Cup, Commodore had his beard and hair shaved off for charity. If I remember correctly his mother is a school principal. I seem to remember them doing it at the school.

I think the oilers lost because Gordon (or is it Frank) shaved his beard, the rotten little rodent.

Tue Jun 20, 01:57:00 AM EDT  
Blogger Pronto said...

It was kind of interesting to see last night that there is actually an official 'razor' for the post-game shaving.

And, perhaps a bit stranger, that there is planned a 'sale' to get rid of the shaven facial hair.

What next?

Tue Jun 20, 01:42:00 PM EDT  
Anonymous Fergy said...

Women stop shaving and or waxing too! At least my signicant other does! It does tend to hold up the panty hose whe you back comb!

BWAHAHAHAH!!!

Wed Jun 21, 10:29:00 PM EDT  

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